


to my lover, i'd never lie

by joonswig



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Established Relationship, Existentialism, Falling In Love, Jisung acts like he's leo rising, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Secret Relationship, Soulmates, but not like soulmates au but theyre just soulmates, but youre dating one of them, compulsive liar au, fake deep probably, fake not dating??, i have no hobbies, inspired by scammer jisung in finding skz, summer getaway with the bros, that is a thing, think kierkegaard but adapted to a romantic relationship in lieu of religious devotion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19163497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joonswig/pseuds/joonswig
Summary: there’s no clear reason, neither for him nor for jisung, to lie about their relationship, themselves and everything in between. if minho were to guess, the thrill of pulling it off, of proving themselves is addictive to the both of them. jisung often tells him it’s a short life and he wants to feel as much as possible before it’s over. minho is inclined to agree. it’s not as much about doing as it is about experiencing the rush and intensity.jisung, being with him, embodies it, the buzz, the high.





	to my lover, i'd never lie

**Author's Note:**

> imma be real with you this makes no sense. sorry for making lying seem fun and not immoral. it probably is immoral. we vibing. this is in poland, they're all the same age for convenience. ignore any cultural reference, it makes no sense.
> 
>  
> 
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/hanghangoverbang/playlist/182lLk4Xt1f6dLXKI0nViL?si=a6fp2uR_QNSeh1d83M9Zxw)

minho knows that they’re a lost cause. 

seungmin dives into the water, shaking his head violently when he resurfaces. minho is sitting on the pier and feels the drops splatter against his thighs. he’s got a can of beer in his hand and he toys with the ring pull, swinging it from side to side with his fingers. he chugs it down, the cold of the drink hitting the back of his throat comforting in the sun. it’s hitting his back, he can feel sweat rolling down his back.

the city’s behind him but he doesn’t turn back to look. he dangles his legs, pushing the water back and forth, but doesn’t jump in. when jeongin joins him, about to go for a swim himself, he asks why minho would rather suffer in the unbearable heat than relish the soothing cold of the water.

he shrugs, “i can’t really swim.”

the wood is harsh under his palms as he leans back, dirt sticking to his skin. minho watches his friends play in the water, smiling to himself as jeongin gets dunked by woojin, who emerges from the reed beds to tackle him. jeongin squirms, trying to kick him away. 

“i can teach you to swim,” seungmin sticks out his hand, but minho shakes his head adamantly. he stares into the distance, gnaws on his bottom lip. his nostrils flare up and he swallows heavily. 

“i…uh, it’s not something i’m ready to do,” he says finally, stopping himself from monitoring seungmin’s expression. he focuses his eyes far ahead, watching the water lap against the other side of the shore gently. 

“did something happen?” seungmin asks. minho turns to face him, thins his lips into a straight line. he drops his eyes to his lap, his fingers drumming incessantly against it. a few seconds pass before he deems it suitable to raise his head and allow a small, but sad smile creep onto his face when he meets seungmin’s concerned look.

“it’s fine,” his tone is dismissive, just the right amount for seungmin to drop the subject for now, but keep the exchange in the back of his head, teasing his curiosity. “go. i’m fine, really.” minho notices when seungmin keeps looking back at him. he knows that he has to keep up the bored, slightly out of it persona, so he doesn’t give into his urge to laugh. 

minho thinks it’s ironic you don’t work on labour day. it’s counterintuitive and so terribly totalitarian, work celebrated by the lack of it. and yet, in his ever-present hypocrisy, the warispeaceian nature is forgotten when he has the chance to use it as an excuse for refusing to do anything. it’s serene, the only sound that breaks past the faint hum of traffic are his friends’ voices.

they’re a lost cause, much as minho is himself, but he doesn’t think they notice it yet. they act like there’s more to them than just a game of play pretend, allowing for them to imagine they’re god knows what. poorer, lazier beatniks stuck in an eastern european parody of a metropolis instead of on the road in the states. if only they had the minds to make up for everything they can’t do, but minho knows he’s no kerouac, not even a wannabe at his finest. 

but days like these, it’s fine. minho doesn’t have a single idea what life is supposed to be about, doesn’t know how to make it matter, let alone himself, but he learns to enjoy the simple pleasures. he enjoys feeling anything, for the matter, because it makes him seem human — something so trivial, yet so insurmountable. 

footsteps trail behind him, minho can hear the wood thud with every step. a six pack of beer flashes in front of his eyes before he can turn back. 

“fresh delivery,” jisung smiles at him, before crouching to sit beside him. the others have yet to notice his arrival, so he leans in, lips brushing tentatively against the shell of minho’s ear. “got you your favourite.”

“you’re an angel,” he smiles, closing his eyes. minho rips the plastic and pulls them a can each. much as he doesn’t like to admit it, he’s got a sweet tooth and flavoured beer panders to his ostensibly childish taste. he opens his, before calling out to the others, “yo, sung got the kid beer, c’mere and clown him with me.”

jisung glares at him, but it only lasts so long before he lets a grin slip. he keeps his eyes on minho, taking a sip. he’s bold today, not letting them drop when the others get closer, teasing and taunting simultaneously. minho likes how naturally amusing he is, loves how the fleeting touches and concealed smiles are theirs only. 

“there was a cute guy at the store,” jisung mentions, off-handedly. minho knows it’s a game, so he entertains the boy. he makes his eyes widen and rounds his mouth into an ‘o’.

“oh, my god, did you talk to him?” he nudges jisung, smile playful, but supportive enough. jisung licks his lips, before letting out a chuckle.

“out of my league,” jisung shakes his head, biting on his tongue that sticks out from between his teeth.

“don’t say that,” woojin pats jisung’s leg. 

“anyone would be lucky to date you,” minho purses his lips slightly, wondering if the hilarity of it all will end up breaking jisung’s composure. it doesn’t, he should learn never to underestimate jisung, who frowns, expression doubtful and insecure as it gets.

“you think?” with his bottom lip jutted out, eyes comically wide imitating ones of a doe, jisung looks pitiful. for a second, minho can imagine jisung as naive, completely oblivious of his self-worth, but then remembers just how far from the truth it is. it’s like a challenge, minho’s competitive self growing in size, he feels the need to upstage jisung.

“i mean,” he furrows his brows, but releases the tension in his muscles to model insouciance, “it’s not like relationships are all that, anyway.”

“oh, drama?” jeongin picks up immediately, minho notices in triumph. “what about that boyfriend of yours?”

“oh, him,” minho rolls his eyes and takes a gulp of beer, “yeah, honestly, what about him. i wouldn’t know. it’s complicated.”

they don’t know much about minho’s boyfriend. minho is elusive as can be about the subject, not one to give away too much about personal affairs unprompted. it’s better that way, remaining cryptic, like a blank canvas he can paint over at any given moment, illusion of an identity. 

he can sense just how intrigued the others are, yet out of courtesy, they try to maintain stoic, rather sullen expressions. they do not dare to ask, wary of overstepping any boundaries. jisung puts on a similar act, but the glint in his eyes, one that only minho manages to pick up, suggests amusement. 

“anyways, the sun’s killing me,” jisung sighs. he takes of his tank top and throws it haphazardly on the pile of their things before diving into the water. unable to contain himself, he chuckles when jisung resurfaces, sprinkling water droplets around him. he can’t keep his eyes off jisung as the he pushes wet strands of hair back.

“you sure you don’t wanna come in?” seungmin asks, “it’s fuck hot.”

before minho can reject the offer, jisung picks up on the exchange, swimming over with curiosity lacing his eyes, “you’re not coming in?”

“nah, i don’t swim,” minho informs him, shrugging his shoulders indignantly.

“ah,” jisung smiles, seemingly innocent to others, but menacingly to minho, who notices the mischief behind the simple pull of his mouth’s corners. “why don’t i teach you then?”

“nah, just drop it,” minho clenches his jaw, “i don’t like it.”

“have fun getting sunburnt, then,” jisung winks at him, advising him to use sunscreen before submerging back, kicking the water behind him with a splash. 

minho can’t bring himself to keep his eyes off jisung, trailing after him, admiring how at one he looks with the water. with the others farther away from the pier, he can allow himself to follow jisung’s moves. the way he swims is astounding in its effortlessness, minho notices, as though his second nature. it comes as no surprise to him, as jisung more often than not proves to be talented at close to anything he picks up. 

it’s almost dusk when they grow tired and hungry. minho helps woojin set up the fire on the beach, while seungmin arranges the stray logs they found on the lakeshore into a circle. jisung and jeongin are sent to run errands (get more beer). when they come back, jisung hands minho a can and his favourite chocolate bar wordlessly, sitting beside him. 

“met the cute guy again?” minho asks.

“nah, unfortunately.”

“pity.”

jisung purses his lips, “yeah, i know.”

“hey, how are we handling the tent thing?” seungmin asks. 

“well, there’s one for two, one for three. i’m used to rooming with sung, if that’s okay with you,” minho explains. 

“that’s fine by me,” woojin shrugs, the others agreeing silently, “you went hiking for easter break, right?” 

“yeah, my feet hurt like hell, for like, a week after we got back,” jisung scowls. 

minho has to swallow a chuckle. that’s indeed what they told the rest, when in reality they stayed in warsaw, hiding away in minho’s flat. he arranged for seungmin to come over to water his plants while they were supposedly gone. they watched him fumble with minho’s spare keys, hidden on the staircase leading to the floor above. jisung was passionate about the act even after they “came back”, making sure to always have a packet of compeed plasters on him, his walk slower, limping ever so often.

“hey, i’ve been wondering,” seungmin brings up, taking a bite of toasted bread. “what’s with you and not swimming.”

minho groans, “god, it’s embarrassing.”

“you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to,” jisung pats his knee awkwardly, a gesture of feign concern. 

“no, it’s fine,” minho sighs. “i’m just really scared of water.” 

“is there any reason?” jisung asks, tentatively. no matter how much they like to tease each other, they have an unspoken rule that they aren’t allowed to sabotage the other’s lie. thankfully, he’s had enough time to make up a backstory, so he nods his head, gnawing on his bottom lip. 

“when i was, like, ten? i was really close with my uncle, he worked at home, so he often took care of me. it was nice, ‘cause my parents were barely ever there. one summer, he told my parents we’d go kayaking together. i’ve never done that before, so i was obviously excited.”

he clenches his fists, rubbing them against his thighs. he stops himself from searching out for their reactions, forces his eyes down to the ground.

“it was really fun at first? but suddenly, the current got, dunno, stronger? we weren’t expecting that, so i kinda started freaking out, my uncle too. at some point he just lost control over the kayak and we tumbled over. i, uh, hit my head pretty bad against some rock and i almost drowned.”

“oh, my god,” he hears jeongin whisper. jisung grabs his hand and squeezes it. 

“yeah, it was pretty rough. thankfully, my uncle drove me to the hospital and they fixed me up no problem, it wasn’t anything highkey major, but my parents wouldn’t let me see him much again,” he taps his foot, shakes his head. 

“god, that’s really, dunno,” he looks up to see woojin’s face turn morose, “i’m sorry, minho.”

“nah, it’s okay,” he shrugs, a faint, sad smile playing on his lips, “seriously, i’m fine. just not big on water.”

they set up the tents later that night, the boys properly tired. too tired, minho reckons, to notice the quick kisses jisung presses to the back of his neck when he brushes past him, too tired to pick up on the blush ghosting his cheeks. woojin, seungmin and jeongin lie down in their tent, zipping in behind them after bidding them goodnight. 

as soon as jisung closes their own tent, he pulls minho into his arms, letting him sit on his lap, chin resting atop of jisung’s head. minho plays with his hair, shivering as jisung presses his lips to his neck. they rest like that for a while, enjoy each other in silence, until they are sure the others have fallen asleep by now. 

“come, let’s go for a swim,” jisung proposes, arms wrapped securely around his waist. minho raises his eyebrows scornfully. 

“ask the cute guy from the store,” he feigns indignation, knowing jisung reads right through him. jisung can tell when he’s lying, acting, perceptiveness paired with unparalleled intelligence. 

“yeah, i’ll tell the fifty year old cashier to come with me,” jisung snorts, “i wouldn’t wanna be a homewrecker, anyways, you and your boyfriend love each other a lot.”

“yeah, we do,” minho throws his head back, “god, i can’t believe they didn’t notice. you’re so obvious.”

“you’re the one who keeps staring at me!”

“well, they think i’m taken, so i can afford to stare. you’re the one who got so touchy, recently.”

“you know i like a challenge,” jisung grins, gloating with pride, “you get so flustered, too bad they’re not perceptive enough.”

“you’re not that good,” minho bites his tongue, throwing him a teasing smile, “in all honesty, your eyes are a giveaway. i told you to open them wider.”

it’s a trick he’s learned early on, to force his eyes wider open when he’s around others. it’s an illusion of naiveness, innocence. jisung is adamant on it being a hoax, “i look dumb when i do that.” he glares at minho, eyelids spread apart comically wide. it makes minho laugh, he rests his head on jisung’s shoulder. 

“do i look this dumb?” he asks.

“no, you pull it off somehow. i mean, i’m too smart to fall for cheap shit like that, but i’m sure the others are convinced.”

“you think too highly of yourself,” minho presses his lips faintly to the curve of jisung’s jaw, “grandiose sense of self-worth, was it?”

jisung chuckles quietly, “am i wrong?”

that’s the problem, the grand paradox minho can’t wrap his mind around — jisung isn’t. he rarely ever is, about close to anything, which only fuels his ego and minho’s infatuation. much as minho despises to admit it, jisung understands everything with the ease he couldn’t imagine anyone else pulling off. he knows how people work, studies them when they don’t pay attention, toys with them. 

“no,” he can’t bring himself to lie, “let’s go swim.”

they sneak out of their tent, quietly, not to wake the others up. jisung turns off their flashlight, letting the faint light of the moon guide them to the pier. minho runs down it, pulling jisung behind him, their heavy footsteps hitting the wood dissipating only when they find themselves submerged in the water. 

they spread apart, letting the water soothe their sunburnt skin. it’s chilly, but minho enjoys it, loves floating in the lake, its weak, wind-induced current barely grazing him. he kicks his legs back and forth, accustoming himself to the temperature. jisung swims up to him, grabs his arm to drag him closer through the water. in the moonlight, minho can see ripples reflecting it as he moves to reach jisung. he wraps his arms around jisung’s neck loosely. the boy, still unsatisfied with the distance put between them, albeit steadily decreasing, pulls him into a kiss.

minho feels himself melt.

he melts and he has to strengthen his grip around jisung to stay afloat, as though his life line. it’s ironic, how much faith he puts into a liar, how eagerly jisung reciprocates the sentiment. minho likes to imagine they trust each other with their lives, with the truth. it’s never been a certainty that they wouldn’t deceive each other, it’s never been given that minho sees through jisung’s lies. and yet, minho takes the leap of faith, because there’s not much more to life than that. 

his skin grows accustomed to the biting cold of the water, jisung keeping him warm despite the nipping breeze. he tangles his legs with jisung’s as means of anchorage, feeling him smile. his hands run through minho’s hair before jisung cups his cheeks. minho opens his eyes, just to get a glimpse of the boy, take in how prepossessing he looks. he catches jisung looking right back at him. 

“looking pretty comfortable for someone who’s scared of water,” jisung teases, pressing his lips to the crown of minho’s forehead gently. 

“shut up, i’ve never even seen a kayak up close.”

“no uncle either?”

“no. i only have an aunt. she lives in silesia, i’ve seen her once for christmas.”

“you’re so easy to read.”

“no, i’m not.”

“no, you’re not. but it’s easy to me.”

it always has been. the first time they met, during one of their mutual friends’ gatherings minho showed them pictures of some corgi he found on instagram and introduced him as his own, said his mother sent them over because he missed his pet. jisung pretended to have believed him when the others were around. he offered to walk minho back home, apparently because they were going in the same direction. minho realised it was just an excuse, but let it slide. 

“so, how’s the cat?” jisung asked him.

“what cat?” minho looked at him confused.

“you lied about the dog, that i can tell. but the way you talked kinda gave away that you do have a pet, or had one at least, i’m guessing a cat, you have similar, uh, mannerisms.”

jisung was right, minho left behind three cats when he moved to the city, cutting ties off with his parents. surprised, but nonetheless impressed, he asked jisung how he knew. 

“just have a hunch for these kinds of things,” jisung replied, “it’s okay, though, i lied about that movie i said i watched. i haven’t been in the cinema for at least three years.”

“why?” minho smiled.

“to see if i can get them to believe,” jisung grinned back, “i lied about living near you, too. it’s a few districts away.”

“i know, i figured. your, uh, voice? it was kinda strained. i thought it was because you wanted to ask me out or something, didn’t think you’d confront me,” minho confessed. 

“oh, no, you got that right actually,” jisung said, “confronting you, too, but i just wasn’t going to ask for your number in front of them.”

it was at that moment minho knew jisung was bound to be in the least a permanent fixture in his life. now, just a few months later, he finds himself latching onto jisung, craving the safety of his arms, the glee in his eyes when he laughs, carefree. jisung doesn’t let him stray away, kissing him once, twice, again and again, on his cheeks, down his jaw, on his eyelids.

“we could have been doing that all day,” minho giggles, the flutter of jisung’s eyelashes tickling his skin. 

“you wanna tell them?” jisung asks.

“hell no,” he replies, “it’s too much fun. and i like having you like this.”

“all to yourself.”

“exactly.”

there’s no clear reason, neither for him nor for jisung, to lie about their relationship, themselves and everything in between. if minho were to guess, the thrill of pulling it off, of proving themselves is addictive to the both of them. jisung often tells him it’s a short life and he wants to feel as much as possible before it’s over. minho is inclined to agree. it’s not as much about doing as it is about experiencing the rush and intensity. 

jisung, being with him, embodies it, the buzz, the high. minho is so crazy about him, how different he is from anyone he’s ever met. their connection is so genuine it sends shivers up his spine. he doesn’t care for a god, in an ideology, considers any such notion redundant. minho has a liking of the physical, of direct sensation, so instead of the empty words, empty values he would have to force himself to believe, he worships the rush that’s so inherently ingrained in the idea of jisung. 

he’s never felt more alive, more real, the distant city lights fading away in the background, the water sending goosebumps down his arms, jisung’s hold on him tight. it’s exhilarating, but minho doesn’t mind. quite contrary, he loves every second. somehow, being with jisung comes so natural, more natural than he’s ever experienced. life before him was so terribly boring, so unexciting, so empty. minho found himself dissociating through most of it, past memories bleak, faded. 

minho thinks the underlying reason behind his lying is the desperate need to make up for his lack of identity. it’s like building a new person, one that in the long run he can convince others, and himself, to believe he is. it’s what he adores so much about jisung — with him, minho doesn’t feel the need to lie anymore, because he feels like himself. the formerly vague sense of identity grows sturdier, firmer, so the attempts at reinventing his non-existent self are abandoned. it’s so natural to breathe, to feel, to be.

he’s never told jisung, but minho is in love with him. 

he’s in love with jisung, his personal allen ginsberg. while minho knows all of them are losers, lost causes, it doesn’t take much to tell jisung is different. jisung carries himself with such suave mannerism, too intelligent not to notice just how special he is. if anyone amongst them has ever had any potential to extend beyond the parody of bohemian intellectualism, it’s him. jisung is idea itself, non-conformism itself, life itself. 

that immense potential, jisung consciously neglects. as far as potential, intellect are concerned, according to him, their real value is not what they can bring, but in the privilege of having them, privilege of denying their outcome.

“my dad,” jisung once told him, “he couldn’t walk much.”

“oh.”

“it’s okay. it was just that he was physically mostly locked up at home. he’d always tell me how lucky i am, that i can go anywhere, see anything i wanna see. and i thought that honestly? the best part of it is that i’m lucky. i can get to choose whether or not to rot. so i’ll rot, but with the privilege of choice.”

minho doesn’t care much about what jisung could achieve, either. it’s not like they have a future, it’s not like anything but the present matters. he hoists himself up onto the pier again, wet hair dripping onto the no longer burning wood. jisung rests his arms on minho’s thighs, places his head on his crossed wrists. his face, a paradoxical picture of guilelessness, glows in the faint light. minho bends down to kiss him, palms pressed to jisung’s cheeks.

“you like me so much,” jisung laughs. 

“not really,” minho lies.

“it’s painfully obvious.”

“not really.”

“oh, but it is,” jisung says, “you’re into me.”

“not really,” minho repeats, knowing all too well that the lopsided grin on his face is a clear giveaway. “frankly, kinda hate you.”

jisung throws himself back into the water, loud laughter spilling from his lips. it echoes into the night and minho is scared he might wake up the others. 

“you’re lying,” everything about jisung’s demeanour, his eyes, his smile, his voice, radiate unadulterated mirth, “you’re lying.” he grabs minho’s hand and tugs him back into the lake. minho lets himself fall with a splash, clinging onto jisung for dear life. 

“i am,” he confirms.

“i hate you, too,” jisung says, before brings their lips together. he always kisses minho as though there is no tomorrow. if that is the case, minho couldn’t care less.

**Author's Note:**

> [buy me a ko-fi <3](http://ko-fi.com/joonswig) // talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/midzyonce)


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